Josh Turner-The Longer the Waiting

Right after Alex and I started dating is when I first heard this song. I thought it was so sweet and touched my heart. I never thought it would mean as much as it does to me now. Now it really hits home. The video that they put with it is beautiful. I laughed and cried all the way though it.
This past week and a half we have had an up-close-and-personal encounter with the down sides to military life. It has been disheartening, discouraging, and just plain unfair. But I want the whole world to know, and especially my husband to know that I am incredibly proud to say that I am the wife of not only an amazing man, but an amazing military man. Even if the Navy at this point it time might not view him as what they want him to be, he is exactly what he should be. An honest, admirable, kind man. I love you, Alex. And until you take off that uniform for good, whenever that might be, I will ALWAYS stand up and say "I am a Sailor's sweetheart!!"

Insomnia

"I know I keep saying it, but I really can’t believe how big this has become. This investigation is ruining so many lives and careers. It is sad. I am sitting here shaking as I am typing not knowing what is going to come. I don’t really know how to react to this. Just a week ago our lives were so steady and on track and everything seemed to be more or less perfect. And now I feel like everything has just been turned upside down and thrown into a blender. I can’t believe it. I really don’t want to be mad at this kid, but I can’t help but be upset at how this entire ordeal is turning out. I mean, I can’t really say that what was going on was right, but it is what it is. It’s like a culture. I mean I went through at least as much as this guy claims to have gone through. And I never would have even thought to bring it up. I don’t mean to try and justify what has been going on because I guess he felt like he was legitimately hazed. I don’t want this to sound cliché or anything, but all this is like a male bonding thing. I understand that the navy wants to be professional and everything. But Big Navy doesn’t seem to understand that this is so much bigger than a job. It’s a family. I mean I have spent more time on this boat and with these people than I have with you. And I am not even counting the time before you and I were together. I don’t know if I am making any sense right now, or if I am just spouting out random sentences. I think that I am going to cut this off right now. I love you so much. I can’t wait to be back together."

This is an excerpt from one of Alex's emails. It kind of sums up what our lives have become in the last week. Just a lot of shock, disbelief, and uncertainty. My mind is racing, and my chest aches. I just wish I could wake up and this would just be one big nightmare that will go away. But this incident is going to impact us for the rest of your lives.......

Military Life

As a Military wife, I am well aware of all the benefits that we get to enjoy. We get great health care, my husband gets paid time off, and the pay isn't so bad. But yesterday our eyes were opened to a downside of the life of service. The Military absolutely owns you. You are government property, and your family just has to adjust accordingly. This wouldn't be so bad, but sometimes they give you no warning or notice of things that can effect every aspect of your life.
As some of you are aware, we got orders to got to Oklahoma City for recruiting. Recruiting wasn't our first choice, but because the engineer didn't really like Alex, he wouldn't sign off on his orders to go to prototype. We came to terms with our recruiting assignment. Alex was very grateful to be getting off the USS Enterprise and missing the deployment. I was also excited that he wouldn't have to leave me for 8 months and that I have to opportunity to find a new job myself.
But in one day, it all changed. And we don't know how much it has changed, just that it has. So we are in limbo. They gave Alex four hours notice to get ready to leave on deployment for who knows how long. He could be gone for 10 days, or the worst case scenario, his orders could be cancelled and he could be gone for the whole deployment!! He was completely checked out of the boat except for one signature, so now on this deployment, he has no job, no bed, no locker or any of that because he wasn't supposed to be going. Alex couldn't even express to me how angry or upset he was and I felt so terrible for him.
Now we are just playing to waiting game. Until we know how long he is going to be gone, I can't really do anything to get us ready for the move. I am just confused, frustrated, and at a loss for what to do. Well, I guess the only thing I can do is "hurry up and wait."
I know I haven't really given a lot of details on why he had to leave on the deployment so suddenly. Those details don't really matter in the long run. It is just a whole big mess that has been blown out of proportion.
I guess this post was to keep people updated, but also allow me to vent a little bit. I think once I have gotten it all out, I can better put it into perspective. I guess it's just going to be one day at a time. Until then, I miss you Butthead.

Christmas 2010

Alex, Me, Michelle, and Rob

My Halloween posts were late, so I guess it makes sense that my Christmas post is late too. We had a very quiet Christmas this year. It was just so nice to be home together and neither one of us had to work.
On Christmas Eve we were supposed to have a big dinner with a few of our friends, but Rob and Michelle were the only ones able to come. We missed the ones who couldn't make it, but it was nice to just have to four of us. (more food just for us!) That night I made a ham for the first time, which turned out better than I thought. I also made wilted lettuce salad and funeral potatoes. The potatoes were a hit, but I messed up on the salad. Thank goodness my friends and husband are nice and at it anyway.
After dinner we played games, played the kinnect, and listed to some Christmas music. The Ostrowski's didn't stay too late because they wanted to celebrate on their own.
So Alex and I decided to watch a movie and stay up till after midnight to open our presents. That's how all my family does it down in Florida. They always get together and open presents on Christmas Eve. I am surprised we stayed awake through all of the Chronicles of Narnia movie, but it was worth it.
Of course, I got spoiled and Alex didn't make out too badly either. My husband knows me so well, and he puts a lot of thoughts into his gifts. I love it!!
Christmas day, was also pretty laid back. We went out to Phyllis' house and had a very yummy Christmas dinner. We took Bridgette with it and she absolutely loves it out there. It was fun to see her play with my dad's puppies too! After dinner we just came home and lounged around (which is our favorite thing to do!)
All in all, it was a great holiday. I got exactly what I wanted which was to spend it with my wonderful husband!!

Pumpkin Carving

This was the first time we carved pumpkins together AND Alex's first time carving pumpkins at all (that he remembers). We had a good time and I even made pumpkin pie with our discarded pumpkin pieces!!

Focus! Focus!

My Ghost pumpkin

The finished product...

He did pretty good, huh?

Proud pumpkin carvers!

Howl-O-Scream 2010

Alright this post is a little late. But better late than never. One of my new years resolutions is to blog more often. So here I go!


On Halloween this year we went to Busch Gardens and had a really good time! We got to go through the haunted houses, eat yummy food, and ride the roller coasters that we didn't catch the first time around. The weather was chilly but not unbearable and the decorations were incredible!!

Here are some of the decorations as you walked in. Kinda eerie, huh??

Tried to take some more pictures of the decorations, but the lighting was bad. This is supposed to be three witches standing by a cauldron.

The first time we went to Busch Gardens, we took a picture of our yummy food. Here is a picture of round two!

We went in to see the show Frankenrock and that is where we stopped to eat that yummy food.

This was one of the roller coasters we missed the first time around. It was really awesome at night!! You could see the stars and this one had a tunnel so that everything was pitch black.

Another one of the shows. We just were walking past this one. There had been a huge crowd gathered around, and I was surprised how many little kids there were.

This was one of the haunted houses we went through. This was one with the mummies. We went through two others that had werewolves and vampires. Alex was never scared, he just had a great time laughing hysterically whenever I got the crap scared out of me.

This roller coaster was awesome!! I think it was my favorite besides the Alpengeist. We almost bought the picture of us on the roller coaster because Alex managed to look like he was asleep when the picture was snapped. What a dork! :)

All around the park, they had people in scary costumes jumping out and scaring people. We just had to get a shot with one of them.

Count Your Many Blessings

This Thanksgiving was definitely different from last year. Last year we were home with family, but this year it was just the two of us. I would have made a nice dinner, but I was scheduled to work and we aren't allowed to request holidays off. So here we are at Cracker Barrel stuffed with turkey, stuffing, and rolls. It wasn't the most traditional way to spend the holiday, but we were together and that's the most important thing to me.

As everyone knows, thanksgiving is a time to think of all the things you have to be grateful for. Growing up I remember sitting around the table and everyone stating something they were thankful for. This year I had an experience that really opened my eyes and my heart to a whole new level of Thanksgiving....
Not only did I have to work on Thanksgiving, but I had to work the day before. The day started out just as usual but was changed abruptly when one of my patients coded. (for anyone who isn't in the health care field that means that the patient stopped breathing/heart beat stopped and needed CPR) There were people every where, yelling to do this, do that all in an effort to save a life. I was shaking and scrambling to make sure I was doing everything I could to assist in the effort. The paramedics came and continued on with what we had started all while getting them out the door to the hospital. I was trembling from head to toe and the adrenaline was ebbing slowly and I seemed to blur back into my charge nurse duties. Later on in the day, I called the hospital to get the news. The patient didn't make it. I guess the news wasn't really a shock because as we labored to bring the patient back you just knew it was already too late. I was able to finish the rest of the day, but on my way home I completely lost it. I was shocked and sobbing. It happened so fast and all of the usual questions sprang to the forefront of my thoughts "did I do enough?" "was there something I could have done differently?" "did I miss something" "had I always treated that patient kind enough and not like they were just one of many?" I will never know the answers to those questions. And after all of my thoughts settled some, I just started to count my blessings. I had a wonderful husband waiting for me at home, that made me laugh until the sadness of the day melted away. I have a home to go to, a bed to sleep in and wake up in. I woke up on Thanksgiving morning just grateful to be awake and breathing. Grateful that I had a job to go to after I woke up and clothes to put on to go to work. Grateful for the close family and friends that have done more for me than I can ever repay.
The Church hymn just kept playing over and over again in my mind "Count your many blessings name them one by one and it will surprise you what the Lord has done. Count your blessings...name them one by one......
I am grateful for you....