Saturday, January 22, 2011

Insomnia

"I know I keep saying it, but I really can’t believe how big this has become. This investigation is ruining so many lives and careers. It is sad. I am sitting here shaking as I am typing not knowing what is going to come. I don’t really know how to react to this. Just a week ago our lives were so steady and on track and everything seemed to be more or less perfect. And now I feel like everything has just been turned upside down and thrown into a blender. I can’t believe it. I really don’t want to be mad at this kid, but I can’t help but be upset at how this entire ordeal is turning out. I mean, I can’t really say that what was going on was right, but it is what it is. It’s like a culture. I mean I went through at least as much as this guy claims to have gone through. And I never would have even thought to bring it up. I don’t mean to try and justify what has been going on because I guess he felt like he was legitimately hazed. I don’t want this to sound cliché or anything, but all this is like a male bonding thing. I understand that the navy wants to be professional and everything. But Big Navy doesn’t seem to understand that this is so much bigger than a job. It’s a family. I mean I have spent more time on this boat and with these people than I have with you. And I am not even counting the time before you and I were together. I don’t know if I am making any sense right now, or if I am just spouting out random sentences. I think that I am going to cut this off right now. I love you so much. I can’t wait to be back together."

This is an excerpt from one of Alex's emails. It kind of sums up what our lives have become in the last week. Just a lot of shock, disbelief, and uncertainty. My mind is racing, and my chest aches. I just wish I could wake up and this would just be one big nightmare that will go away. But this incident is going to impact us for the rest of your lives.......

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